


Night Cries

by Forbidden_Lover



Series: A Destiel Playlist [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e03 The Rupture, Sam Winchester is So Done, Spoilers for s15x03, the breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 16:09:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21279524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forbidden_Lover/pseuds/Forbidden_Lover
Summary: Everyone is upset with the latest ep of spn and writing fics, so I thought I would too. Not my best work, just something I needed to get off my chest. Unbeta'd.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: A Destiel Playlist [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533965
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	Night Cries

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone is upset with the latest ep of spn and writing fics, so I thought I would too. Not my best work, just something I needed to get off my chest. Unbeta'd.

** _Night Cries by Arctic Lake_ **

_There's a part of us that knows where night cries_  
_Held in years of yearning after I_  
_Lost the moments only meant for me_  
_Who can tell the heart when it must sleep?_  
  
_I would go to the ends of the earth_  
_If I could hold you_  
_I would search all the lands_  
_If it meant I could hold you_  
  
_There’s a part of me that falls each time_  
_Held up by the thought of you and I_  
_Lost in moments only meant for me_  
_No one could tell the heart it had been missing_  
  
_I would go to the ends of the earth_  
_If I could hold you_  
_I would search all the lands_  
_If it meant I could hold you_  
  
_I would go to the ends of the earth_  
_If I could hold you_  
_I would search all the lands_  
_If I could hold you _

* * *

The bunker door sealed shut behind Castiel with a deafening bang.

Dean hadn’t stopped him from leaving.

His chest felt like it was being torn apart. He pressed his hand to it and was surprised to find when he pulled it away that there was no blood.

How was that possible? His heart had to have been ripped out for this pain to be real.  
And is lungs, why couldn’t he breathe? Something was terribly wrong with his vessel. His grace flickered feebly as he tried to assess if there was any internal damage but found nothing.

No. Deep down he knew he wouldn’t find any physical damage. This was pure heartbreak.

He had seen it, read about it. But until now, never understood what it felt like. Never realized it would be so visceral.

When he finally was able to push himself away from the metal door, he didn’t know how long he had been there, which made his chest hurt more because Dean still hadn’t come looking for him, he made his way outside.  
It was dark and cool, and fine mist of rain was falling, that had his eyelashes and shoulders damp in no time. His whole body felt heavy, but he had to move.  
Had to go somewhere, anywhere, away from the Winchester’s.  
Away from Dean.  
Move on.  
That’s what he had said. So he would. It might kill him but he would do it.

He climbed into the cab of his truck and started driving. He had no destination in mind. He would stop when he got tired or his gas ran out.  
There was no music to fill the silence of the drive.  
He had left everything behind. Everything that reminded him of the other man.  
It was unintentional. He never thought Dean would actual let him go. He had thought, despite everything Dean blamed him for, they would get past it like they always had.

But not this time.

Somewhere in his gut, Castiel knew he wasn’t good enough for Dean. A fallen, broken angel who had made countless mistakes, over and over again. Dean just confirmed it. He was the root of the problem. So he would remove himself from the picture.  
He had loved Dean for so long, never saying anything, just trying to show the hunter how much he cared for him by going to the end of the earth for him, dying, rebelling. But no matter how he tried, those signs of affection, ended up hurting the hunter one way or another. He had hoped his gestures wouldn’t go unnoticed and one day, Dean would return his affections. And maybe Dean _did_ feel the same, but he had never came close to acting on those feelings.

The windscreen wipes squeaked when he turn them on, setting his teeth on edge. They didn’t seem to be making his vision any clearer. It was only when he felt wetness on his cheeks that he realized it wasn’t the rain clouding his sight.

He indicated and came to a stop on the side of the road. The wipers still squeaked and his headlights illuminated the surrounding trees. He flicked the keys and was abruptly sent into silent darkness.  
Nothing, just the quite ticking of the cooling engine and his breathing. He found the side of his face pressed into the vinyl of the bench seat, with no idea how he came to be laying there.

Hot tears ran down Castiel’s face, over the bridge of his nose, down to his ear. His throat ached and his nose stung. It was annoying. All these little things he had never noticed before, all confirmed what he had suspected, what he had tried to talk to Dean about. His powers were failing. It was all entirely too human.

He had lost so much in such a short amount of time. It was unbearable.

His mind wandered. Going over every little moment with Dean, all the good memories. All the bad. The stolen looks, every lingering touch, the quite secret moments that were shared between the two of them.  
He said he would move on, but, he would never stop loving Dean.

He didn’t know how long he laid there. Stupidly he had hoped, that Dean might have turned up, Impala rumbling, to bang on the window until Castiel opened it for him, to apologize. To tell him he didn’t mean what he said, and to ask him to come home.  
But he never showed.  
Castiel’s phone was silent too. He had to accept that it was over, before it ever really started.

He sat up slowly, and wiped his face. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned it off, throwing it into the backseat, before starting the truck again and pulling on to the road again.

Time to move on.

~*~

Sam came out of his room hours later. He still felt numb from everything and he didn’t want to move but he needed water, or a drink. Something.

He found Dean in the library sitting very still, a bottle of whiskey almost empty next to him. People always thought Dean was at his scariest when he was in a rage, yelling, breaking things, being violent. But Sam knew it was when he was quiet and still that he was the most unpredictable.

“Hey,” he says cautiously, from the library entrance.

Dean didn’t even look at him. “Hey.”

“Ah, so where’s Cas?”

Sam sees Dean’s jaw flex and he picks the bottle and fills his glass with the rest of the whiskey. His fingers holding tight to the glass, but Sam can see the slight tremor in his hands.

“Gone.”

He shouldn’t push it especially when Dean is like this, because it always ends up either of two ways; a busted lip or tears. But he pushes anyway. Frowning slightly Sam asks,

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“He left.”

Sam can feel fury rising, not at the angel. He knew that Dean had something to do with the angel leaving.

“What do you mean left? What did you do?!”

“Nothing! He said that now Jack was dead and with Chuck gone, he was moving on. There was no point staying.” 

Sam storms across the room to his brother and grabs the front of his shirt lifting his up.

“Yeah right.” He hisses at Dean, “I don’t know how that conversation actually went, but you have been blaming him and pushing him away this entire time. Ever since Mom.”

Dean pulls out of Sam’s grasp and pushes him away before pointing at him.

“I told him, if Mom was dead that I would never forgive him. That he was dead to me. That’s on him.”

Sam hits him.  
The punch comes out of nowhere, landing squarely on Dean’s jaw and Dean stumbles back into the table, knocking the empty bottle and glass over.

“You’re an idiot! An actual fucking idiot!” Sam roars.  
“How dare you blame Cas! It’s not Cas’ fault! It’s Chuck’s! Cas is just as much as a victim as we are! Don’t you think he is grieving too? For fucks sake Dean! When are you going to realize that we aren’t the only ones hurting? He has literally done everything for you and this is how you treat him?!”

Sam realizes Dean hasn’t moved from where he is holding himself up on the table. He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair than over his face before speaking again.

“Go out there,” Sam points to the top of the bunker stairs, “and find him. And fix this!”

Dean doesn’t move, just continues to stare at the ground, where the whiskey is steadily dripping into an amber puddle on the floor.

Sam sighs before going and putting his hand on Dean’s shoulder, “We’ve lost too many people in this past week, Dean.” He says quietly. “Don’t lose another.”

**Author's Note:**

> At this stage, this fic will end here. However, if I get time, I will add Dean's POV of the break up at a later date. Thanks for reading.  
Song can be found here: [Night Cries by Arctic Lake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHvJ7P9wJdA)


End file.
